Oh dear lord. OK, deep breath.
I'm going to have to talk about remakes here for a second.
So, we're well into the new millenium at this point. Before long we won't have this weird "oh-eight" type of designation for our years. We can get back to just calling years by their final two digits. When that happens, maybe it will be time for a Nightmare on Elm Street remake. Do you know why it is too early to do it now? Because Robert Englund STILL EXITS DAMMIT!
It's so damn simple- look at the "Big 3": Michael Myers - wears a mask. Jason - wears a mask. Freddy - looks like a very distinctive, burned version of Robert Englund. As he gets older, it will take less makeup, and he will more naturally look like a burned up pedophile.
It was acceptable to make any iteration, incarnation, sequel, remake, or do-over of Halloween or Friday the 13th because no matter what you do, the main villian will be a believable version of the original. If you "remake" Elm Street, you have to remake Freddy. I don't care how amazingly you do that, it's not going to work for the original fans.
Michael Bay appears to be signed on for this. I would be excited about that if it was for any other horror remake. At least then I would know it would be an over-the-top crazy action-horror flick, but it wouldn't be changing the face of a horror icon.
In closing: I was fine with Halloween being remade because it was Zombie and he didn't take away from anything. I'm fine with every crazy version of "Jason goes to space" or whatever they come up with because it's still Jason killing people, but when Robert Englund dies, Freddy dies...and only then will the real nightmares begin.
-Adam E.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Sleepaway Camp III
I'm going to continue with my trend of reviewing movies out of order with no sense of reason. I am currently watching Sleepaway Camp III and I'm going to try and blog it as I watch. If you haven't seen the first installment of this series, stop reading this and go watch it. Even if you haven't heard of Sleepaway Camp, it's mandatory movie material- right up there with Halloween, Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street.
The sequels to Sleepaway Camp are an example of a horror series that completely deviates from its original genius and subscribes to the themes of Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'N Roll. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that, of course. A totally mindless movie with controlled nudity and humor is definately watchable...it just won't be praiseworthy.
So, this crapfest of a movie starts with tits right off the bat. The main character is tattooed with "Milk Shake" right above her moo-taps. I guess she was bringing all the boys to the yard way before Kelis was. The opening scene is actually fairly decent. I always like any movie where the main character is an outcast in their own family. Rob Zombie seems to excel in this area, although he might have taken notes from J.K. Rowling.
So, after the first scene it gets pretty boring...lots of introductory scenes. A few more boobs. I guess I can't really give away the secret of Angela Baker until you've seen the first movie. Do yourself a favor and watch it and prepare to have your mind blown.
Michael J. Pollard appears in this movie. Actually, he is probably the most prolific actor in the entire film. I suppose that should give you an idea of what to expect from this film. He isn't as eloquent as in "House of 1000 Corpses" like in that scene where he describes the resident retard, but, um...he's in the movie. He also gets a little action from a camp girl who is half his age. Props for that man...because he looked like he was really into it. His little tent girl wasn't so bad, and he looked like he was really having some fun.
Wow- a horrible scene. They fish a Jason mask out of the lake and Angela asks what day it is. Her friends claim that it is "Saturday, the 14th". Seriously?
Hmm, I guess 15 minutes later and I don't have much to report. It isn't much of a horror movie when you know who the killer is, and you get to watch them carry out their entire plan. There isn't much suspense in this movie...it's kind of like watching a home video of somebody going around killing people.
Woah...a little racism scene. The N word was dropped. The rap guy is arguing with the country girl. Let's see who dies first.
I kind of like the "strike 3" scene where the killer asks if the girl does drugs, is a virgin, or was a cheerleader. This was way before "Scream" where any movie would actually admit to the stereotypes of the victims. Plus, I don't think I've ever seen anyone killed by a flagpole.
BTW, there are no "Camp New Horizon" sweatshirts on eBay.
What the hell is with Angela's crazy mop hair? That has to be a wig. They show flashbacks to the second movie- she had fairly decent hair back then. Were they trying to make a signature character with her whack hair?
Not the greatest death scene- Angela pushes a counseler into a trash heap and then buries her. The shovel action is pretty fake. Then she brings the lawnmower. It's definately no "Dead Alive" as there is no gore.
The very next death scene has absolutely no gore. This is starting to suck.
Holy crap. The next death scene has no gore. I could have made this movie in my back yard.
You know how in Psycho you never actually see any stabbing during the shower scene? I saw more viscera in that scene than in the last hour of this damn movie.
Oh this is just crap now. It's a scene where Angela shows everyone that she is the killer and then gives them a challenge to try and save their own lives. The only reason I feel any pity for anyone in this movie is because I'm sure they are cold because I can see their breath. Angela dropped a body from a rope from above and nobody really seems any more upset than they were a few minutes ago.
Two chicks rolling around fighting in the leaves. Why don't they just strip and wrestle in jello? A neutral observer of this movie would agree that the only good parts of this movie are the random nudity. The character development is weak, the death scenes are horrible, there is absolutely no suspense.
I think the lack of suspense is the worst part of the movie. Every other horror movie I have ever seen is from the point of view from the victims. That is the essence of suspense. If you are just following the killer going around killing people, you might as well just watch a butcher at work killing animals like it's his 9-to-5.
A final positive note: The rock song during the credits is called "sleepaway"...I bet half of the money for this film went to this song.
-Adam E
The sequels to Sleepaway Camp are an example of a horror series that completely deviates from its original genius and subscribes to the themes of Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'N Roll. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that, of course. A totally mindless movie with controlled nudity and humor is definately watchable...it just won't be praiseworthy.
So, this crapfest of a movie starts with tits right off the bat. The main character is tattooed with "Milk Shake" right above her moo-taps. I guess she was bringing all the boys to the yard way before Kelis was. The opening scene is actually fairly decent. I always like any movie where the main character is an outcast in their own family. Rob Zombie seems to excel in this area, although he might have taken notes from J.K. Rowling.
So, after the first scene it gets pretty boring...lots of introductory scenes. A few more boobs. I guess I can't really give away the secret of Angela Baker until you've seen the first movie. Do yourself a favor and watch it and prepare to have your mind blown.
Michael J. Pollard appears in this movie. Actually, he is probably the most prolific actor in the entire film. I suppose that should give you an idea of what to expect from this film. He isn't as eloquent as in "House of 1000 Corpses" like in that scene where he describes the resident retard, but, um...he's in the movie. He also gets a little action from a camp girl who is half his age. Props for that man...because he looked like he was really into it. His little tent girl wasn't so bad, and he looked like he was really having some fun.
Wow- a horrible scene. They fish a Jason mask out of the lake and Angela asks what day it is. Her friends claim that it is "Saturday, the 14th". Seriously?
Hmm, I guess 15 minutes later and I don't have much to report. It isn't much of a horror movie when you know who the killer is, and you get to watch them carry out their entire plan. There isn't much suspense in this movie...it's kind of like watching a home video of somebody going around killing people.
Woah...a little racism scene. The N word was dropped. The rap guy is arguing with the country girl. Let's see who dies first.
I kind of like the "strike 3" scene where the killer asks if the girl does drugs, is a virgin, or was a cheerleader. This was way before "Scream" where any movie would actually admit to the stereotypes of the victims. Plus, I don't think I've ever seen anyone killed by a flagpole.
BTW, there are no "Camp New Horizon" sweatshirts on eBay.
What the hell is with Angela's crazy mop hair? That has to be a wig. They show flashbacks to the second movie- she had fairly decent hair back then. Were they trying to make a signature character with her whack hair?
Not the greatest death scene- Angela pushes a counseler into a trash heap and then buries her. The shovel action is pretty fake. Then she brings the lawnmower. It's definately no "Dead Alive" as there is no gore.
The very next death scene has absolutely no gore. This is starting to suck.
Holy crap. The next death scene has no gore. I could have made this movie in my back yard.
You know how in Psycho you never actually see any stabbing during the shower scene? I saw more viscera in that scene than in the last hour of this damn movie.
Oh this is just crap now. It's a scene where Angela shows everyone that she is the killer and then gives them a challenge to try and save their own lives. The only reason I feel any pity for anyone in this movie is because I'm sure they are cold because I can see their breath. Angela dropped a body from a rope from above and nobody really seems any more upset than they were a few minutes ago.
Two chicks rolling around fighting in the leaves. Why don't they just strip and wrestle in jello? A neutral observer of this movie would agree that the only good parts of this movie are the random nudity. The character development is weak, the death scenes are horrible, there is absolutely no suspense.
I think the lack of suspense is the worst part of the movie. Every other horror movie I have ever seen is from the point of view from the victims. That is the essence of suspense. If you are just following the killer going around killing people, you might as well just watch a butcher at work killing animals like it's his 9-to-5.
A final positive note: The rock song during the credits is called "sleepaway"...I bet half of the money for this film went to this song.
-Adam E
Friday, July 18, 2008
Some Reality TV
So.....there is a show where the winner gets their own cooking show, another about making dresses out of corn husks & even one showcasing America's best who are able to perform such feats as drinking milk through a straw with their nose. As entertaining as those shows all are for the general masses, I have a few shows that I'd like to see take off. If there has to be reality shows can't they at least be good?
How about a show called "So you think you can act?", where the winner gets to be in a movie. Or one which showcases special effects artists. I'd much rather watch a contest where the players have to make a realistic Zombie out of house hold goods or something to that effect as opposed to watching people make 10 story high cakes with a "My Sweet 16" theme.
Mainly I think that most reality shows these days have lost their relevance. The first American Idol was a great idea (even though it was already going on in England) and I'll even say that the first year of America's Next Top Chef was interesting. However, I think it takes a lot away from those shows when they go on for 6 seasons. Instead of tweaking the same old show year after year to draw in people, I'd love to see new, relevant, original shows come out.
Whenever they start auditioning for "America's Best Special Effects Artist" or "Who Wants to Be Killed in a Horror Film?", I'll be sure to watch that those!
Horror Revoir
How about a show called "So you think you can act?", where the winner gets to be in a movie. Or one which showcases special effects artists. I'd much rather watch a contest where the players have to make a realistic Zombie out of house hold goods or something to that effect as opposed to watching people make 10 story high cakes with a "My Sweet 16" theme.
Mainly I think that most reality shows these days have lost their relevance. The first American Idol was a great idea (even though it was already going on in England) and I'll even say that the first year of America's Next Top Chef was interesting. However, I think it takes a lot away from those shows when they go on for 6 seasons. Instead of tweaking the same old show year after year to draw in people, I'd love to see new, relevant, original shows come out.
Whenever they start auditioning for "America's Best Special Effects Artist" or "Who Wants to Be Killed in a Horror Film?", I'll be sure to watch that those!
Horror Revoir
Thursday, July 10, 2008
That's Not Horror!
I guess I won't have much substance in this post...I just wanted to comment on a coincidence. In the last two days, each day I have watched a movie that has a horror-sounding title that wasn't really horror. They both came in the mail from Blockbuster.com. Now, I'm not some idiot who was renting movies based on the titles. I knew what types of movies they were when I put them in the queue. It's just an odd coincidence that these titles came to me at the same time with such horror-sounding names when they really aren't horror movies.
The first is "There Will Be Blood." Yes, of course I know this isn't horror. It won 2 Oscars, and the book was called "Oil!" But still, you have to admit that this would make a decent horror film name. Awesome movie, BTW.
The second was "Deathdream." I really have no idea how this got in my queue. I don't know if this was one of those "If you like...then try" type deals, or what. Maybe Noah_Ichiban recommended it? I doubt it. I read the plot summary before I watched it, so I at least had an idea. It's a 70's suspense film. I would say it's almost horror...but not quite. It has a few gory scenes- like a slit throat, a guy getting stabbed (although you only see blood splatter), and a guy getting run over...but that's about it. Honestly, I had to fast forward through most of it. It was too slow for me.
So, I suppose next I should rent "I'm an evil killer man and I'm going to kill you with as much blood and gore as possible." It's probably a musical.
The first is "There Will Be Blood." Yes, of course I know this isn't horror. It won 2 Oscars, and the book was called "Oil!" But still, you have to admit that this would make a decent horror film name. Awesome movie, BTW.
The second was "Deathdream." I really have no idea how this got in my queue. I don't know if this was one of those "If you like...then try" type deals, or what. Maybe Noah_Ichiban recommended it? I doubt it. I read the plot summary before I watched it, so I at least had an idea. It's a 70's suspense film. I would say it's almost horror...but not quite. It has a few gory scenes- like a slit throat, a guy getting stabbed (although you only see blood splatter), and a guy getting run over...but that's about it. Honestly, I had to fast forward through most of it. It was too slow for me.
So, I suppose next I should rent "I'm an evil killer man and I'm going to kill you with as much blood and gore as possible." It's probably a musical.
Monday, July 7, 2008
The Wizard of Gore
For me, the 1980's was the decade where a filmmaker's most gorey visions began to be realistically realized on the screen. Besides a handful of films before them, I think the "slashers" of the early 80's heralded in a what we think of as gorey films.
Unfortunately "The Wizard of Gore" was made in 1970 pre-realistic gore. In general 1970 was a pretty bad year for films. "Love Story" grossed the most at the box office that year. That alone speaks volumes.
"The Wizard of Gore" is nearly one of those films that is so bad it is good.. but not quite. I will say that the acting is definitely so bad that it is funny. However, this film is way too confusing. The basic idea is that there is a magician who can hypnotize women on stage and murder them in various ghastly ways and then un-hypnotize them and they become whole and unscathed again. The problem is that the various cuts show the women whole, murdered, whole, murdered & then whole again. It almost seems like we are supposed to just be imagining the carnage.
In summation, this movie is pretty bad. If you're going to watch a early 70's horror film stick with the good ones like the "Exorcist" or the original slasher film "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre". On the other hand, if you want to sit around and laugh at some bad acting and see some pig intestines.....check this one out.
Horror revoir
Unfortunately "The Wizard of Gore" was made in 1970 pre-realistic gore. In general 1970 was a pretty bad year for films. "Love Story" grossed the most at the box office that year. That alone speaks volumes.
"The Wizard of Gore" is nearly one of those films that is so bad it is good.. but not quite. I will say that the acting is definitely so bad that it is funny. However, this film is way too confusing. The basic idea is that there is a magician who can hypnotize women on stage and murder them in various ghastly ways and then un-hypnotize them and they become whole and unscathed again. The problem is that the various cuts show the women whole, murdered, whole, murdered & then whole again. It almost seems like we are supposed to just be imagining the carnage.
In summation, this movie is pretty bad. If you're going to watch a early 70's horror film stick with the good ones like the "Exorcist" or the original slasher film "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre". On the other hand, if you want to sit around and laugh at some bad acting and see some pig intestines.....check this one out.
Horror revoir
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